You may ask yourself, "How can I get my boyfriend back?" Millions of people are in this situation encountering the same degree of pain because of the break up.
The first step is to understand why he dumped you, What was he saying to you before the breakup? Were there any signs? Did he say why he didn’t like or love you anymore?
- Are you in love or just a friend
- Do you really want him back?
- Why do you want to get back together with him?
- Look at your relationship objectively. When you say, “he doesn’t love me anymore”, are you letting your feelings dictate your future, your thoughts, your life? I understand that – you’ve been invested in this relationship for years; now, you need to look at it objectively, with your mind and gut (not your heart). Is this the relationship you wanted for yourself, before you met him? Would you want your daughter, sister, or best friend to be in this relationship? Does your partner willingly meet your needs and respect your wishes? Do you do the same for him? If you had to do it all over again, ask yourself if you’d choose him again as your partner. That may help you look at your relationship and decide if you want to stay or leave.
- Can you truly forgive?
- Would it be possible that you could be back together again?
- Consider the possibility that you may be wrong.
- Has anything relevant changed since then?
- Has he got another woman?
If you still miss him terribly, you are not ready to be friends.
If you keep talking to him, you will know about his life and when you find out that he is with another girl or doing things that you don't like, you will get devastated.
I can understand that at first it seems better to have the person as part of your life only as a friend than not having at all but this situation can hurt you pretty badly.
When you put yourself in this situation it is inevitable that somehow you still think of the chances of getting back together and the situation minimizes your chances of meeting someone else.
You will only be ready to be his friend (I'm being optimistic here - I don't know if I agree that ex boyfriends can ever be friends) when you get over him completely and the best way to do that is to stop talking to him.
I read a quote yesterday that reflects exactly what you feel: "It pains me to continue but it hurts more to stop". But try to think the of consequences and possible heartbreak.
If you still miss him but you know that you can’t be together, try to move on. As time passes you will learn to live without him and if you stop talking that process can be much easier and faster.
Remember, you are playing the emotional game. The traps you set are like a double edged sword. If you are not careful, you might screw yourself up in the process. DO NOT LOSE YOUR CONTROL.
Tips for a Loving, Lasting Relationship
1. Love yourself First
Many people don’t realize that their feelings toward other people are largely determined by their feelings about themselves. Learning to love yourself will not only benefit yourself, but also your partner.
A couple of ways to start loving yourself in action:
The mirror exercise: Stand in front of the mirror, look yourself in the eye, and say, “I love you. I really, really love you!” Don’t just say the words; try to feel them. It may take some practice, but if you do this two or three times a day for a couple of minutes, you will feel the results!
Practice self-acceptance. You are a magnificent human being. You may have some flaws, but that’s okay. Everybody has flaws and we all make mistakes. You can learn from them, accept them, and even be grateful for them, because they have helped form the person you are today.
2. Choose to be happy.
True happiness comes from within. Nothing or no one can “make” you happy. When you are a happy person because you choose to be, this will rub off on your partner, or attract more potential partners if you are single. Being happy feels good on the inside and looks good on the outside!
A few ways to choose happiness every day:
-Practice gratitude and optimism. People who see the world optimistically see opportunities and love everywhere they go. There’s truth in the saying “Change the way you look at things and the things you look at will change.” Make a habit out of gratitude. When the sun shines on your face, when someone lets you cut in line, when someone smiles at you, say “thank you.” You don’t even have to say it out loud; thinking it will do just fine.
-Don’t let others determine how you feel. Try not to worry about what others say, think, or do—even if they talk badly about you. You can still respond to them, but don’t let it affect your level of happiness. The moment you get emotionally involved you have lost your inner peace.
-Accept your circumstances. You cannot control everything that happens in life. Sometimes, bad things happen. We cannot escape from this; we can only accept it. Choose to accept the circumstances you can’t change instead of causing yourself to suffer.
-Have fun! Find something you love to do and do it on a regular basis. For me, it’s snowboarding. Even though I’m physically exhausted after a day of snowboarding, mentally, I’m fully recharged.
-Meditate. Meditation was the foundation of my whole transformation process. I still meditate two hours a day. But if you are just starting out, fifteen minutes will do. Meditation will help you with all the points above; it will give you focus, mental clarity, and inner peace. It takes some practice, but if you put in the effort, the results will astound you.
3. Fall in love when you are ready, not when you are lonely.
Don’t compromise or get into a relationship for the wrong reasons. Being alone isn’t the same as being lonely. When you love yourself, you don’t mind being alone sometimes because you are spending time with your best friend. Ironically, being in a bad relationship can make you feel like the loneliest person in the world.
4. Do not lose yourself in a relationship.
Make time for yourself, pursue your own goals, and do things without your partner. Maintain a healthy balance between your personal time and your time together.
Putting yourself first in a relationship might seem strange at first, but it makes perfect sense. If you go into a relationship expecting your partner to make you happy, your partner might expect the same from you. Do you really want to be responsible for your partner’s happiness? That’s quite a responsibility to take on.
Wouldn’t it be much better if you and your partner entered a relationship and committed to becoming the best people you both can be while sharing your love with each other? No needs, no expectations, no obligations. Do you see how in a relationship like that, love has the freedom to grow into something truly amazing?